Ever feel like you’re just going in circles?
I do. I have one issue in particular that I keep revisiting. It’s been a major theme of my life. Why am I here? What should I be doing with myself?
I’ve been waking up feeling sad this past week – for no particular reason that I’ve been aware of. Feeling lost and uninspired. Nothing lights me up. Stuff DID light me up…but it didn’t last. Is it a temporary glitch or a permanent outage? I don’t know…but right now, the light is dim.
When I get like this I spend more time in journaling and meditation. I ask my higher self, “What’s going on? What do I need to know?” It helps for a little while but then I find myself back in the gloom.
My husband has been going through a tough period with his work. I listen to him and try to help. The issue seems clear to me and I don’t understand why he doesn’t “get it.” We seem to come to a decision and then later it’s as if we never had the discussion. It doesn’t stick. He goes in circles and I get more and more annoyed.
Then it hit me…I’m going in circles over my issue. That’s why it’s annoying to me when I see it in him!
And then I realized this:
We go in circles until we finally “get” the lesson!
It just comes around again and again in different forms until we get to the root of it.
To be honest, I haven’t gotten to the root yet…
but I’m working on it.
How to get to the root??
Here’s what I know now… (and I’m still learning)…keep questioning your underlying beliefs. What do you really believe about the situation? Is that really true? Who says it’s true? Who are they? Do you have to listen to them? Do you have to believe them? What is another way of looking at it? What do you want to believe instead? What if you believed that instead? What would happen? How would you feel?
It takes inner work to wrestle with these questions…but when you hit the jackpot of new understanding, it’s so freeing! You choose to step in and believe your new, intentional belief, and decide to live accordingly. You choose it repeatedly. You practice living that way repeatedly. Eventually, one day, you realize that it is now a part of you.
It’s a matter of perspective
A teacher of mine, Rev. Steph, from 1 Love Awakening, recently said that we don’t go in circles…we go in spirals. And I realized, it’s a matter of perspective. When we’re looking at it from the deep midst of our feelings, it seems like we’ve gone in a big circle and we’re right back where we started. (So depressing!) But looking at it from the outside observer point of view, we see that each time we go around we’ve expanded ourselves a little higher and a little wider. (Much better!)
And who is this “outside observer” whose perspective we should take? It is our higher self. The thinker behind our thoughts. The one inside who is doing the thinking and having the feelings. The eternal spirit-self that is connected to that thing that is bigger than we are. That thing many call God, that I call Spirit, The Creator, The Universe.